To the wife who has been cheated on

To the wife who has been cheated on,

Life is cruel, isn’t it? After all you have done for the family, this is what you get in return. It’s okay if there are no words of appreciation, but surely, you didn’t see this betrayal coming.

It is so unfair, isn’t it? You are here with your heart broken into a thousand pieces and he is out there having a rendezvous with another woman and the time of his life.


You stood by him when he had nothing but now when he has everything: wealth, fame, social status, he failed the loyalty test. He failed to stay true to the one and only woman he pledged to love for the rest of his life.



There is also a feeling of loneliness that few can understand. It does not only come from the loss of a lifelong partner, it also comes from having to deal with this infedility on your own.



You have to act like nothing has happened and still present a loving family image to the whole world. You do not know who you can confide in or who will keep your secrets safe.



Many will give you the most straightforward “good advice” of getting a divorce but it is not as easy as it seems. You don’t want your family to get broken not because you still love your husband but because you love your kids so much and don’t wish to see them get hurt by the bad decisions that the adults made.




You are at the crossroad now, you are lost and lonely, you have big decisions to make but you wish you can defer them indefinitely. You are filled with rage and injustice, not just because of what has happened but also how your husband is behaving now after what has happened.


He is showing no sense of remorse and is still continuing his cheating ways.



Deep down, you are confused too, you start to doubt if you have played a part in leading this outcome, especially how he justified why he cheated and that it was your fault for not being caring, supportive, gentle or understanding. He said it was you who pushed him to edge, that’s why he cheated.




Before you self-destruct in your own negative thoughts and emotions, let me remind you a few things.




The poor man who stole from the supermarket can give 101 reasons why he stole and some reasons may evoke great empathy, such as stealing so his child can have something to eat.



However, these reasons do not excuse him from the crime he has committed. They do not justify his action to steal. It was a decision he made, amid many other decisions he could have made, to solve the issue. To push the blame onto someone instead of admitting to his own fault is totally irresponsible.



Similarly, there are ways to solve marital issues. If every man or woman use cheating as a solution or a form of escapism, then all marriages will crumble. Every marriage had its unique set of challenges and it is through overcoming them that the marriage becomes stronger. Those who can’t pass the test will blame circumstances for their failure. So, remember this, it is his fault to cheat, not yours.




He may seem like enjoying while you are suffering but this is only temporary. A man’s greatest achievements do not come from fame and fortune. It comes from having someone there for him when he is weak, and a blissful family that he can always come back to, a safe haven and shelter from the storm he faces outside.




Your husband has all of that previously, but he has chosen to destroy them all, through the decisions he made. A broken vase will never be full again and any relationships borned out of betrayal will not have a happily-ever-after ending.




Now, it is time to focus on yourself and love yourself more. Whatever decision you have made, make sure it revolves around your own happiness. It is not selfish to do that, you deserve to be happy, just like everyone else does.



Some decisions may seem extremely painful to make but rest assured that when you look back many years later, you will realize that those are the best decisions you have ever made. A weed can cling onto a healthy plant, block its light and suck off all its energy and nutrients and causing it to die off eventually. So, if you wish to live well, then you have got to be mindful of anything that is clinging onto you and depriving you of life.




The rain falls on good people so do bad things happen to most kind-hearted or good-natured people. It is not karma or anything you have done wrong. It is just life that you are experiencing. And life often has its ways to teach us valuable lessons and help us grow, sometimes through the most traumatic experiences. But as long as you don’t give up on yourself, you will eventually rise above, like a phoneix reborn. Then, a totally new beautiful life awaits you.




I wish you the strength to tide through this ordeal and the courage to do what is right for your family and most importantly, for yourself. I wish you that peace and joy will come upon you, even amid all your struggles. Life is so much bigger and you have so much more to cherish and to give to this world. Let those who do not belong in your life or deserve you go. It is not for their own good, it is for yours. Lastly, remember this, you are worthy and you are enough and don’t let anyone change that or make you feel otherwise.

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